The Cons Of Black Womanhood

When you look at us, why do you see us as angry and aggressive? Why don’t you see a passionate individual? I feel my emotions deeply and I choose to express them proudly. I shouldn’t be shamed for voicing how I feel.

And yet we are, when we speak in a room, they don’t see me as their peer, they see me as emotional, mentally unstable and erratic. What am I? A black woman

What do you see when you look at me? 

I’ve been asking myself this question for a while. I am a woman and I am black. Qualities I believe that God blessed me with yet some think it’s the devils curse. My experiences are unique and I see this as a beautiful thing. Not many will get the opportunity to experience black womanhood and I pity them yet they rejoice.

I fear that I present myself angrily, I try not to be angry, I’m not even angry, I’m just disappointed, shocked and surprised but not angry, never angry. As a black woman, I try to present myself in a manner that is palatable to you. I do not want to give you a reason to fear me and yet the more words I speak, the less you see a girl and the more you see an aggressive, obnoxious and unattractive monster. 

Growing up, I have always felt such a huge pressure to prove my femininity. It’s hard when you see your female peers who aren’t as dark as you are celebrated and embraced for the qualities you share, it is hard to grow up believing you're the last choice because of the colour of your skin. That no matter what you wear, or how you act or how you look, you may never be feminine enough.

As a black woman, you have to work so much harder than everyone else to prove yourself. Not only do you have to prove that you’re just as good as a man, you have to prove that you’re just as good as everyone in the room who isn’t black. We have been told all our lives we have to work twice as hard to prove we belong. 

To be a black woman can be exhausting and you won’t understand until you are a black woman. It’s not like being a woman, it’s not like being a black person. It’s different and it’s unique and it’s an experience. Being a black woman has shaped me into the person I am and has helped me to grow emotionally but I don’t think that it's fair. 

A lot of the issues that come with being a black woman are due to the fact that people perceive us unfairly. It’s quick and easy to tell me to not care about what others think about me but I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and stop caring, it takes time, it takes experience, it takes a lot of patience. So, when we tell young black girls to just ignore what others are saying to them or about them, that might be great advice but it’s not practical. Because, how do you explain to a 9-year-old that a lot of people aren’t going to like you because you're black and a woman and as you get older it only gets worse, but you should just ignore what the ‘haters’ are saying?

How do we prepare young black girls for a world that isn’t ready to accept them? 

Sometimes, it feels like everyone absolutely adores black women and thinks they're Goddesses worthy to be worshipped. But most of the time, I think people don’t know how to interact with black women, they think we’re aliens who have invaded planet Earth with strange rituals and practices and they’re secretly scared of us so they overcompensate with their compliments and their adoration. And sometimes, I think we’re just the trend.

Printed by Joan